Pretty
by Expendable Red Shirt
Summary: Dave really didn't know what he did wrong this time. He thought he'd been complimenting Kurt! -Established Kurtofsky, sort of in a fight, but nothing serious. Hopefully humorous and sweet.


**A/N: **I wrote this for my friend's birthday, as she is a major Kurtofsky shipper. And I decided it wasn't horrible, so I'd post it here. This is my first voyage on the Kurtofsky Pirate Ship, so go easy on me :).

**Warning(s): **Implications of past and present sexual relations between two consenting male characters, some language.

* * *

When Dave's boyfriend had invited him over to his house for the afternoon, he'd thought they'd watch a movie, bake cookies (Kurt was working tirelessly to remedy Dave's hopelessness in the kitchen), maybe make out - or more. Suffice to say, standing behind a closed door calling out for his sometimes overdramatic boyfriend, who had locked himself in his room for reasons Dave couldn't fathom, was _not_ how he thought he'd be spending his time with Kurt.

"Oh c'mon, Kurt," Dave whined. "Open the door. Please?"

"No!" Kurt yelled back through the wooden barrier. "I can't believe you seriously just called me pretty!"

"I didn't mean it!" Dave insisted.

"What? So I'm _ugly_ now?"

"No! No, I – ugh, why are women so hard to understand?" He realized his mistake as soon as the words left his mouth, but the damage was already done.

The door swung open and David was met with the bright red face of a _very_ pissed off Kurt Hummel. At least he'd opened the door…. "Oh, so I'm a _woman_ now?" he fumed. "And an ugly one, at that?"

"I never called you ugly!"

"But you did call me a woman," Kurt shot back. The look on his face told Dave he better start explaining – and _now_. Kurt was scary when he was angry and he sorta made Dave wish he was a puppy so he could look all small and pathetic and then maybe his boyfriend wouldn't be angry at him anymore.

"I didn't mean to, it just slipped out," Dave began. "It's just, I'm used to having girlfriends, like Santana, and complaining about _their_ mood swings and bitchiness–"

"Oh, so now I'm ugly, female, _and_ a bitch?" Kurt surmised, crossing his arms. At that moment Burt Hummel passed the hallway they were arguing in (or more accurately, Kurt was yelling at Dave in), and the amused look on his face said he'd clearly heard Kurt's last angry exclamation. Dave gave his boyfriend's dad a pleading look, but the gruff man just grinned.

"I'm heading off to the garage," he announced.

"I'll go with you!" Dave volunteered. Maybe if he left for a while, Kurt could calm down and they could talk about this without all the screaming. And he could also spend some time with Burt and get further on his good side - _always_ a plus.

Kurt clearly was not following his line of thought. "Why, so you can be around _real_ men?" His tone was so icy Dave was surprised it didn't freeze his balls off. He continued without giving Dave a chance to respond. "Maybe, while you're off doing your tough, _manly_ job at the garage, I could do your laundry, or clean the house, or bake you something, like a good little girl."

"Kurt, that's not –"

"Maybe," he ploughed on, "I'll go out with the girls and buy a new dress. Would you like that, David? A cute little dress for your _girlfriend_?"

"Uh…" Actually, Kurt would look sort of hot in a dress, especially a really short, tight one, and the back would ride up just enough that Dave could peek at the lacy panties underneath…. But he was pretty sure saying any of this out loud would get him castrated, so he didn't know how to respond.

He looked again to Burt for help, but the man simply laughed, "Good luck talking your way out of this one, kid." And then Dave's only hope for rescue disappeared out the front door. He turned back to look at Kurt, who still had his arms crossed and was tapping his foot impatiently.

"Well, Dave? What do you think? A new dress sound nice? Maybe I'll buy some lipstick, too. And some mascara –"

"Don't you already wear mascara?" Dave asked – stupidly.

"That's not the _point,_ David!" the smaller boy yelled.

"Then what _is_ the point?" Dave asked, hopelessly lost. "I just said I thought you looked pretty today, and then you were storming away and screaming at me and I don't know why it pissed you off so much and I can't make it better if you don't tell me!"

Kurt sighed deeply and stared straight into Dave's confused eyes. "You wouldn't understand it, David, because you're big and tall and strong, on the football team, an all-American boy with a relatively deep voice. But _me_ – I'm small and fashionable, I love Broadway and show tunes, I'm a cheerleader, nearly all my friends are women, I can reach high notes most female sopranos can't, and I get called _ma'am_ on the phone all the time. I have to deal with people treating me like a girl on a daily basis, and, gay or not, it's really emasculating."

The small boy sucked in a sharp breath. "But I always thought _you_, of all people, understood that I was a _boy_." Tears had gathered in his big blue eyes, and Dave almost wanted to cry or slap himself, seeing them. Ever since he'd come out, he'd sworn to himself that he'd never be the reason Kurt cried again. And yet, here they were. "And I can't help but wonder if the only reason you're okay with dating me is because I'm so feminine, that maybe you justify it in your head by saying, 'Oh, he's almost a woman, so it's not gay.' And it makes me worry that… that when we're making love, you're imagining someone with breasts underneath you…"

"Oh, _no_, Kurt, no," Dave rushed forward to gather his now crying boyfriend in his arms. "Of course I don't. I'd never imagine anyone else with me, when I already have _you_ there." And it was true; he didn't imagine Kurt was a woman. Ever. No matter how long he was in the closet, he didn't like women. Plus he was just so freaking happy to have _Kurt_, the boy he'd had a hopeless crush on for years. Why in the world would he want to think of anyone else? "How long have you been worrying about this?"

Kurt's small hands clutched at his boyfriend's soft cotton T-shirt. "For a few months now," he admitted. "You always top, and I guess I just started worrying that… that maybe you always top because that way you can pretend I don't have a penis."

Dave gathered Kurt's red face in his hands, and stared into his tearful blue eyes. "If you wanted to top, you could've just told me," he said. "I want to be with you every way I can, and that includes _you_ being in _me_. I love you, _so much_, and I would never, _ever_ want to pretend that anyone other than you was my boyfriend – or girlfriend." He smiled a bit. "Besides, if I thought of you as a girl, I wouldn't have had a sexuality crisis and been such an enormous dickhead when I realized I liked you. Sorry, again, by the way."

Kurt sniffed and gave a small smile in return. "Don't be. I've already forgiven you."

"I'm glad," Dave said earnestly.

"And thank you," Kurt whispered. "You're so sweet, and good to me. I don't know why I was so worried… I'm so stupid."

"Of course you're not," Dave protested. "Did you know that, for a while, I was worried you might be imaging that Bland guy when we were doing it?"

Kurt stared at the larger boy in shock for a moment before bursting out laughing. "Why would you _ever_ think that?"

Dave shrugged. "He said some shit and I let it get to me, but that's not important. What's important is that I realized you loved me too much to ever imagine I was anyone else."

"And I realize you love me too much to imagine you're sleeping with a woman," Kurt replied in kind, smiling and standing up on his toes to kiss Dave again. It was a lingering kiss, and when Kurt broke it, he leaned up a little more to whisper in Dave's ear, "You know, my dad's out of the house. If you call me handsome, you might just get some _fun_ time…"

Dave's pupils grew wide. "You're handsome!" he declared immediately. "So handsome. So fucking handsome, you could be in _People_'s Sexiest Man Alive magazine."

"Why thank you," Kurt giggled. "We could share a page."

"Uh-huh, definitely." Dave agreed distractedly. "Can we have sex now?"

Kurt laughed out loud. "Only if I top."

Dave gave him a sappy smile. "I'd love that." He kissed Kurt once more before grabbing him around the waist. "Now, to the bedroom!"

Kurt laughed as he was pulled back into his room by his eager boyfriend, and pushed down onto the mattress, and smiled even wider when they rolled over so he was hovering above the larger boy.

And as they cuddled up together later that night, Kurt sleeping peacefully, bathed in moon beams, next to a still-waking Dave, well… Dave would never tell Kurt this, but he looked incredibly _pretty._

* * *

**A/N: **Please let me know how I did! I usually write Faberry or Klaine (and ocasionally Tartie, Kurtbastian, or Brittana) so I'm anxious to know if I portrayed Kurtofsky respectfully/realistically :). Let me know, Kurtofsky fans!


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